Too much blog fodder

So, occasionally I am struck by how much I want to put into this blog. Unfortunately it seems that I have TOO much blog fodder and not enough motivation to type it out. Or I have a toddler clamoring for more juice or T.V. or, gosh, I don't know, attention? But it is in my brain and it is really funny. Today I will attempt to get some down on paper, uh, into cyberspace before said toddler wakes from an entirely too short nap.

So you are considered blog fodder if you are a female Security Guard at my local King Soopers and I overhear you discussing your Glock with the 10 year old whose harassed looking mother is trying to self check about a million items.

There is so much wrong with the previous sentence, isn't there?


Does anyone read the signs? Self check out is for 15 items or less - just like the FAST or EXPRESS lane. How on earth can you fit all 7 of your Diet Coke 12 packs in the 2 bags that they offer on the scale? 4 frozen pizzas, 3 boxes of macaroni and cheese, lunchables, donut holes (from the bakery, no less - hey what's the code for donut holes?) cheese puffs, bean dip...huh. It is my opinion that the grocery store sentry at the self check is on disciplinary probation to warrant that job for a few hours. Can you imagine watching dipshit people trying to swipe their own bar codes, figure out if the apples they chose are Gala or Fiji for the right code, feeding their pennies into the coin slot one by one by one and, gasp, trying to organize their own bags when they can't even read the sign that says 15 items or less? Sheer torture. My mouth would get me fired, believe me.

Should the fact that when I go to the grocery store mid-morning in the middle of the week and encounter a Security Guard who carries a gun frighten me? Not nearly as much as the fact that said Security Guard's judgement is such that she feels it is acceptable to show the gun to a 10 year old child and discuss it with him. My overactive imagination puts the conversation going something like this: "See, Johnny, this is a Glock. Here is the trigger. This is the safety. I use it to shoot people." WTF? By the way, I capitalized 'Security Guard' since she has a gun - I don't want to irritate people with guns, especially chicks. If it were just a stick or a taser I probably would have left it in lowercase. Just so you know. Now, I have no idea if that kid asked her about her gun or not. I have no idea if that kid's dad is a cop and he has a Glock, too. But seriously, did the gun need to come out of the holster? I thought that was a rule - no gun out unless direct threat to self or others or something. So, I guess as much as I don't want my kids' vocabulary to include the words I say on a regular basis, I would really prefer they not use the term GLOCK until they are much, much older as well. I will take "pinched your ass" over "put a cap in your ass with my glock" any day.

We gotta move.